Rex Huppke's satirical USA TODAY column uses a widespread Microsoft Outlook outage on Nov. 12 to mock workplace dependence on Microsoft 365, imagining that cut off from email he is thrust into "the real world," discovers grass and a cat, and, presuming the apocalypse, eats only one neighbor — the slow one, Frank. He rates the outdoors zero stars and says the real lesson is that society needs a backup layer of electronic distraction so neighbors like Frank stay safe.